Dating In Los Angeles: What Kind of Dater Are You?
Dating In Los Angeles: As you are dating in Los Angeles, have you figured out what kind of dater you are? Have you changed from being a Postive Dater to Angry Dater this year? Or vice versa? As Los Angeles Matchmakers, we were reflecting on the people we meet day to day in 2010, some clients, some not. As we are out and about in this lovely city of ours, we are constantly having fun trying to pinpoint what type of dater someone is when we meet them. It helps us figure out who they are, used to be, or can be in the future.
It’s not easy navigating through the dating scene in Los Angeles. As Los Angeles matchmakers, we have seen and heard it all. Do you wonder how you come off to others? What kind of dater do your friends say you are? Ok, this is all for fun, well, kind of, but there is some truth to it. You might be one kind of dater or a combination of a few. Do you know someone in each category? At your next company holiday party, you can dissect them. Have fun!!
Dating in Los Angeles: What kind of dater are you or have you dated?
Dating In Los Angeles: The Angry Dater:
When you are dating in Los Angeles, are you a veteran of bad relationships/divorces, bad jobs, and bad childhood? Maybe your past is still haunting you and costing you love! Unfortunately, there are more angry women daters than men because women generally have a harder time letting go of the bad relationships. Don’t get me wrong, men can be an angry daters as well but just tougher to spot right off the bat. However, men can spot an angry dater from a mile away based on comments women make about men, whether it’s on a date or in daily conversation. Be mindful of what you are saying, no matter what the audience is….and if you have issues, work them out soon.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Butthead:
Basically when you are dating in Los Angeles, you are an A**hole if you are the most impossible and unpleasant daters out there. You don’t call when you say you will. You don’t return calls when you know you should. You are a jerk to the waiters. You don’t say ‘thank you’ when someone buys you dinner. You know deep down you need to change if you wouldn’t even date yourself. Don’t be an A**hole.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Awkward Borderline Creepy Dater:
You are painfully shy or have insecurity issues when you are dating in Los Angeles. You are anxious around the opposite sex and don’t know what to say. Often times, you start a conversation and the topic comes out of left field. Or you stare at someone and don’t know what to say. Unfortunately, we see more men out there who are social misfits than women. We might categorize them as weirdo’s or ‘creepers.’ If you are in your 20′s and you can’t hold a decent, interesting conversation with the opposite sex, seek help now. A dating coach or dating lessons can help you out.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Blame Game Dater:
You blame everyone for your problems except yourself when you are dating in Los Angeles. It’s never your fault. You will have issues trying to solve problems on your own if you don’t take responsibility for your actions. If you don’t, you will go through life with a sense of helplessness and immaturity. Who wants to date someone who is immature and always pointing the finger at someone else? If you know someone like this, bring this to their attention. You will be doing them a favor. Look in the mirror and stop blaming others if this is you.
The Boring and You Make Me Sleepy Dater:
You have a pulse but yet you are making your date yawn, yawn, yawn when you are dating in Los Angeles. You are sending the message to your date that your energy is low and your date is having a tough time trying not to bail on you while they make a trip to the restroom. What are some things that make you interesting? If you don’t know, you better use 2011 to seek out 5 new things to do to make you less boring. If you don’t have a lot of interests, how can you be interesting?
Dating In Los Angeles: The Animal Lover Who Treats Her Pets Like Children Dater:
When dating in Los Angeles, usually a woman who is never married or divorced, has a passion for her pets, treats her pets like children, doesn’t want children, and focuses all her maternal love on the animals. This can be a little creepy if she’s showing pics of her pets to strangers (yikes, that might be me!! gasp!!) If this is you, tone it down a bit. This is worse than being called a cat lady. Get out of your animal bubble and socialize with real people.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Classic Biatch:
When you are dating in Los Angeles, and you are controlling, bossy, aggressive, rude, pushy, demanding, self-absorbed, and never thankful. You don’t even know what happiness means because you are never satisfied with yourself or anyone else. You need to tone it down A LOT if you are going to find love. Get over yourself. Biatches, stay away from matchmakers, unless you want to change, then they’ll help you.
Dating In Los Angeles: The I-Want-Romance-Like-In-The-Movies Dater:
Yeah, you might get caught up in this when you are dating in Los Angeles. This is cute when you are in your teens, but once you are in your late 20′s, you should realize that life is not a foreign film. More women than men get caught up in this make-believe fantasy. Of course there are some cute love stories in real life but I wouldn’t hold out and expect that to just happen. If you fantasize about dating and relationships like at the movies, the unrealistic expectations will never be met by a real partner. Make your expectations just a tad more realistic!
Dating In Los Angeles: The Non-Commitment Dater:
You know you are dating in Los Angeles when you want do everything a boyfriend and girlfriend do but you’re not “dating” or “committed” to one another because you’re just “hanging out”. Usually it’s the mid-30′s to late 30′s guys on numerous occasions. You are just 100% afraid to commit eventhough they go through all the motions, etc. Bizarre!
Dating In Los Angeles: The Silent Type Dater: You are dating in Los Angeles, and you say NOTHING. You ask no questions, have no stories and when posed with a question, answer in a very brief, one word or one sentence. Guys complain that they have to do all ‘the heavy lifting’ — keeping the conversation afloat. You are not a bad person, you are often really cute and/or pretty, but you verbally communicate nothing. You are painfully shy and/or socially awkward. Men leave these dates feeling like I’ve just been to the gym.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Talker or You might have Aspergers Dater: You are dating in Los Angeles, and you can’t stop talking-about your dog, about finding parking, your medical problems — you ask NO questions to the other person — they are just a human net to catch your internal monologue that has turned outer. (A guy’s story: “Once when a woman had a 35 min answer to a question I asked within the first 1 minute of our conversation, I had to put down the phone and splash water on my face at the 30 minute mark. Another woman met me for coffee and asked me one question in 65 minutes. So her talking: 64 minutes. Me: 1 minute.”)
Dating In Los Angeles: The Witty Ballbuster: You are dating in Los Angeles, you relish playing word games; being clever; teasing — a guy must prove his cleverness to you — he cannot let down his guard for one second — you often interrupt him to say something clever and funny / add to his story. This might be fun for the first few minutes of a date, but if you can’t stop it, it is extremely exhausting for him. Example (an actual conversation contributed by an actual reader):
YOU: So what do you do?
ME: Actually, I kind of have a kooky job, I –
YOU (interrupting): You make cookies for a living?
ME: No, it’s just kind of kooky — what my company does is –
YOU: Do you make white choc. chip cookies?
ME: No, I –
YOU (loving this): What about double chocolate?
Dating In Los Angeles: The Crazy Look Dater:
You are dating in Los Angeles. You have the wild hair, the pancake made up face, lots of jewelry, the low self-esteem, and the eccentric attitude that is keep great guys from approaching you. With a slight tweak of your wardrobe and appearance, the men now realize you are 42 and not 62 because you are dressing and acting normal. They can tell who you really are now with your true beauty shining through instead of hiding it under the frump! This type of dater might even look like a mannequin…too dark fake and bake year round tan. Ugh. Get help now with a stylist and you’ll be a successful dater in no time.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Liar:
You might exaggerate while you are dating in Los Angeles….a lot…whether you are telling a story or talking about your life. If you don’t own a house, don’t say you do. If you’ve never been to Paris, don’t talk about Paris like you know how many steps it takes to get to the Eiffel Tower. If you feel like whatever you do isn’t good enough and have to add to it, then improve upon it in your real life, don’t lie. Make changes to get to where you love yourself and don’t have to embellish to make friends or lovers.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Picky Dater:
If you have unrealistic expectations when you are dating in Los Angeles about whom you should be dating and have a list of 10 things your partner must meet, then you have issues related to insecurity and fear. It’s a defensive behavior so you avoid dating and intimacy. Period. The risk you run into is being forever single or forever dating. You will be constantly looking for him or her and can’t find them because you are not even sure who you are looking for or even why. Cut down your list to say: wants kids, 7-10 years my junior/senior, and common goals!
Dating In Los Angeles: The LA Special Gold Digger Dater:
With women being more educated and their natural smarts when you are dating in Los Angeles, the potential to make more money than their male counterparts, women have to watch out for male gold diggers, too. He could be a struggling actor looking for a sugar mama. Then we are all too familiar with the female gold digger who is looking to hook him with her looks and offer NOTHING else. Both sexes need to be on the lookout for the gold diggers who are trying to find someone to support them with a very comfy lifestyle instead of for true love.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Lazy Dater:
Yep, there are a lot of men out there like this. You don’t put a lot of effort into the actual date or meeting the women. No imagination when it comes to planning a date. You might date a lot of co-workers, people who live in your building complex, or your buddy’s exes. Your problem is fear and being an underachiever. You have to go after someone and win her heart. Put some effort into it. Hire a matchmaker! She can help
Dating In Los Angeles: The Martyr:
Oh my, how can you date if you are always doing things for other people? You need to stop blaming others and take initiative to get out there and date. Take responsibility for your own search and companionship. Your children are grown up now, your ex doesn’t need you to do things for him, and your animals are fine being alone while you date!
Dating In Los Angeles: The Buddy:
You might be the girl “friend” and not the girlfriend. You might have had a bad breakup or body issues and now potential dates see you as unsexy because of your motherliness. You can’t flirt, but instead, you focus on others and want to take care of others. You need a crash course in hair flipping, eyelash batting, conversation making, and get back into the dating game.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Narcissistic Dater:
You are a charmer and a player. You are insecure, masked by self absorption, and have a tough time connecting to people on a deeper level. Dating is all about connecting with others and it’s tough for you to get to second and third dates because of your shallowness. To become a better dater, you need to care about others and focus on the needs of others.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Talk-Too-Much-Dater:
You might be nervous, a poor listener, or fearful of dating so you talk way too much on the date. What’s worse is if you are interrupting a lot, too. It’s annoying to interrupt others and need to be aware that it is bad dating etiquette. The best thing men and women can do with their partners is listen. Yes, simple as that, just shut up and listen. Ok, that was harsh. But, seriously, just listening WITHOUT INTERRUPTING will score you tons of points. Try it tonight.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Overachiever:
So you are successful and accomplished in your career, probably trying to please your parents, but you need to have a balanced life, too! Enough with pleasing others, it’s time to focus on yourself.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Sleep-With-Dates-Too-Soon-and-Often Dater:
You got your heart broken before and now you are going a little crazy with one night stands because you want to feel wanted. I get it. Love is not sex though, in case you are wondering. Don’t be angry with previous relationships and how it left you feeling broken…time to make a change. Too much drinking is a bad sign. Don’t be the party girl who dresses inappropriately either. Not attractive. Dress your age.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Can-Look-Good-With-Makeup Dater:
You are more comfortable looking natural and in your comfy drabby clothes. You have little experience in dating. Men are visual so take some time to put on some makeup to look presentable. With a little guidance, you miss plain Jane, can look hot and it can help with your self-confidence. You are a diamond in the rough.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Player:
You think you are all that, travel with a posse, love the bar scene, and probably overcompensating for being awkward in your high school days. If you want to get out of your superficial level and be a serious dater, there is help for you, but you have to want it.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Too-Busy-To-Date-Dater:
You are a procrastinator and you always pack your days so full that you can’t focus on love or do anything to find love. Maybe it’s your career or children, but you need to be proactive to find love. You need to make finding love a priority and make time. Quit using the excuse of your busy schedule as a reason to avoid your personal life. If you really liked someone, wouldn’t you make time for them, no matter how busy you are?
Dating In Los Angeles: The Feel-Sorry-For-Me-Dater:
If you have the sad-victim mentality and you talk about your problems on the first date, you are not going to get a second date. All conversations on the date cannot lead back to your bad breakup, horrible childhood, and how awful your job is. Being Debbie Downer is not attractive. No one wants to be around someone negative. There’s a time and place to share your unfortunate past….and date #5 might be a good time, assuming you get there.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Shallow Dater:
The looks are most important to you so you might end up with narcissistic partners that leave you feeling unfulfilled. You think that your shaky self-worth will be increased by attractive dates but it always ends badly.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Braggars:
You like to show off and talk about what you own, how much you make, and your net worth. It’s time to let you know that it’s a turnoff and you need to stop talking about what you have and start thinking about what you don’t: LOVE.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Shy Dater:
It’s tough for you to start conversations, keep the conversation going, and getting comfortable on the date. It’s not a bad thing to be shy and we are constantly encouraging women to give shy guys a chance. They can be a diamond in the rough! The 30-something shy guy is probably successful in what he’s doing and hopefully the women in his dating range are less narrow-minded and more accepting. At least shy guys are not troubled guys and with a little coaching, they become very succesful daters.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Slob:
Men are accused of being slobs but women are guilty of this, too. It can be the way they dress, eat, or keep house. Clean up your house, car, and dress. Just because you are going on a coffee date, it doesn’t mean you can wear sweats and no make up. Keep you mouth closed when eating. It’s such a turn off to hear you eat soup (Asians, take notes).
Dating In Los Angeles: The Sports-Aholic Dater:
Yes, real men watch sports and women like it that their man love sports. Then the obsession with football, baseball, and basketball dominates their relationship and oh, no, it’s not so cute after all. This also applies to video-game playing. It sucks that I’m a Street Fighter Widow. If this sounds familiar to you, you might want to adjust your priorities a bit. Human contact and interaction first, watching sports/playing video games second.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Tough Gal:
A young, unladylike, gum-smacking, swearing, smoking, and drinking gal who just needs some basic social etiquette skins to turn her into a great catch. Or she is someone who doesn’t appreciate a great catch until she loses him because she is too busy acting like she doesn’t need him.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Need To Lighten Up Dater:
Lose the turtleneck and buttoned up shirt in a suit straight from the office look on your date, ladies! Guys, what’s with the bow tie? It’s a date and people want to feel comfortable around you and get to know you. If you are so uptight, who is going to give you a second date?
Dating In Los Angeles: The Positive “Dream Come True For A Matchmaker” Dater:
You are willing to change and try new things. You have a great positive attitude that people don’t dare to be negative around you! You are successful in dating because you give good energy so you receive good energy. Even if you have a bad date, you take it in stride and learn from that date. You enjoy getting to know someone and you are pleasant on a date even if you don’t think you will see him or her again. You rock!!
Dating In Los Angeles: Contact Us!
If you can think of other daters out there, send me an email at May@TwoAsianMatchmakers.com. We are always open to learn about what type of singles are out there. Again, this article was to poke fun at us, all of us, so please don’t send me hate mail.
Happy Dating in Los Angeles!!
By May Hui and Katie Chen
May Hui and Katie Chen are Certified Los Angeles Matchmakers and founded the boutique matchmaking firm Catch Matchmaking in Los Angeles, CA. Catch Matchmaking specializes in busy professionals who are relationship and marriage-minded. These Los Angeles Asian matchmakers then launched their Asian division http://www.twoasianmatchmakers.com/ to better serve the Asian community and make dating in Los Angeles possible!